Three Times

“Dilla Novita Rizki”... my name being called as a main delegate from Banten Province for Australia Indonesia Youth Exchange Program (AIYEP) 2019. From 40 finalist, only 3 names are being called for three different program which is Ship for Southeast Asian and Japanese Youth Program (SSEAYP), Indonesia-Korea Youth Exchange Program (IKYEP) and AIYEP, I am one of them. I remembered at that time, my hand was shaking. Up and down, tears and smile, sorrow and happiness are things that happened during my PPAN journey.

In 2016, I still a third-year student majoring in Politics and Government Sciences at the Faculty of Social and Political Sciences, Universitas Gadjah Mada (UGM). I always thrill an eager to learn and gain more experience, that is why I ventured to register selection of PPAN Yogyakarta. Yogyakarta Province allows PPAN registrants not only for those who residing there but also open to migrants, therefore it is necessary to include a Temporary Residence Certificate (SKTS). Selection in Yogyakarta is very strict, since the beginning the registrants have been selected through administrative stages which include essays. The number of registrants at that time I heard was more than a thousand people, only about 100 people who passed and I become one of those people, I was so happy. At that time the program that I chose was the Asian Student Visit India (ASVI). The participants and alumni were amazing people, so insecure was a natural thing that I felt.

I went through step by step, tasks given on this selection process are clashed with my midterm test, but I was able to manage all of it. It turned out that I could be one of the 20 finalists that can join the final. On D day at the location, I saw several people crying and said that they could not join the quarantine and final step because their documents were rejected or incomplete. I felt quite confident with the completeness of my document, but when the committee checked, it turned out that I also could not participate in the final stage either. The reason is because my TOEFL certificate only a Paper Based Test (PBT), while the standard accepted by the selection committee is Institutional Testing Program (ITP). My hopes of becoming a delegate for the ASVI program was foundered.

One year later, I was already a fourth-year student or called as a final year student. I was also an intern at the Youth Studies Center (YouSure) Faculty of Social and Political Sciences at UGM. I plan to take part in the PPAN selection again, this time I will join the selection in my hometown which is Banten Province. Selection was started at the city/regency level, in the City of Serang itself selection occurs on weekdays so I need to submit a leave permit to my boss at YouSure. I take 14 hours train from Lempuyangan Station to Serang Station. The selected 5 people at the City / Regency level were sent to take part in the Banten Province level selection, and I was one of them.

Finalists from other cities and regencies in Banten province made me feel inferior because they looked so great and smart. But based on the PPAN selection experience that I have before, I was ambitious and confident enough to be a delegate of the SSEAYP. But again, I need to accept the fact that I was not selected as one of the main PPAN delegates. One of the things that made me slumped down was, 4 Serang City representatives were elected (3 people were the main representatives and 1 person was the reserve) and I was the only one that not being called. My mind crossed with a variety of questions that make me doubted my quality and capacity. After that, I had a bit insecure with myself, felt not good enough and failed. I was discouraged and decided that I would not take part in the PPAN selection again.

I finally graduated with S.IP degree and got a job that I liked because of the focus of issues that suit my interests. One of PPAN Banten alumni contacted me about PPAN Serang City registration, he ask me to apply and said maybe this time is my time to be selected. I took the time to think whether I would join again or not, if so then this would be my third time. I'm still curious and still interested in becoming a part of PCMI, so I decided to follow the selection once more. I instilled in my mind and myself that this is the last time I take the PPAN selection, if it doesn't work then maybe this is not my fortune.

Serang City level selection was carried out for 2 days and on weekdays, because it was intended so I submit permission for 2 days' leave from my office. I was chosen as one of 5 people who will represent Serang City for the final stage at the Provincial level. The night after I was chosen, I began to be faced with a dilemma. Provincial-level selection is only less than 2 weeks away and carried out for several days on weekdays. If I join, of course I have to apply for leave days again. I’m not sure to submit another leave days with a short range of time, I was afraid that my leave request would not be accepted. Apart from that I was thinking and asking a question, if I am elected later what will happen to my work?. I take quite a long time to think about it, I chose not to proceed to the final stage. I contacted one of the seniors regarding this matter, but he said it was not possible because the event will happen on the next 3 days. He also tried to convince me to stay in the selection process, the office where I worked also gave me leave days permission. Therefore, finally, I continued to take part in the selection of the final stage.

My office work took up enough of my time so that it was not enough to prioritize preparation for PPAN selection at the Provincial level. In the third selection this time I felt I was a different person. I'm not as ambitious as before, I'm more "nothing to lose" and "go with the wind" kind of person. Whatever the outcome will be, then that must be the best way for me, and this will be a part of my life experience. On the day of the announcement, I’m surprised that my name was called as a representative for AIYEP. I am very grateful, I feel this is the result of my struggle and attempt of several times following the PPAN selection.

Again, I faced a dilemma. AIYEP is not a short program, 4 months is not a reasonable time to apply for leave. I pondered and thinking about the decisions that I would choose later, whether to choose AIYEP or continue the work I had at that time. The place where I work has a good reputation, I like what I do, and the remuneration is good enough. Am I willing to let it go for AIYEP and don't know what my destiny will be after leaving the program? In the end, life is about choices, taking challenges and opportunities. I left my comfort zone, to get a challenge and experience. I choose PPAN! Being a PPAN delegate means being an ambassador for Indonesian youth on the international stage. Choosing PPAN means it's not just about me, but also about how I as a young person can benefit the environment, the surrounding community, the Province and the Country. I am ready to be the next Indonesia Youth Ambassador.

Solo Traveling Made Me More Independent and Open-minded (Dilla - Banten)

Excuse me, do you know where to exchange tickets for foreign tourists? I tried asking that to several people at the train station. I also approached several counters and asked the staff the same question, they also could not answer it. Nearly everyone who I asked could not understand what I was saying because they could not speak English. Even though my legs were getting tired, I still walked while dragging my suitcase.  I had surrounded the big station and saw the clock on the wall many times, the departure schedule of my train was getting closer, made me my fingernails biting. My mind said, “this is just a beginning”.

 Source : personal 

At the age of 18, I travelled abroad by myself for the first time. I participated in AIESEC volunteer activities. The incident above is something that I also experienced when I was in Shanghai train station, China. Fortunately, I finally found the train ticket exchange counter which was specifically designated for foreign tourists. I got off at Hefei, Anhui Province. A woman held a white paper "DILLA - INDONESIA" and I immediately approached her, she was Rafei - my house family.

The thing which I remember most from my house family is that they deliberately bought some new cooking utensils and cutlery for me. They researched about halal food, my foster-mother also prepared Chinese chicken soup and bought the meat at a halal store. I was very impressed and appreciated their concern. During my stay with them, I learnt a lot and gained new insights, such as local wisdoms, socials, cultures, and even politics in China. Oh, I have a note! there a small halal restaurant near my house, my favorite food is handmade noodles with stir-fry onion, the taste is seriously good.

I did several things out of my comfort zone, which was walking to travel around. In Indonesia, I used to use a vehicle to go somewhere. In China, walking is a natural thing to do because public transportation cannot stop at random places. I had to walk from my house to the nearest bus stop. After getting off the bus, I walked to elementary school with a long distance that kept me complaining because it was Ramadhan, fasting period for Muslim. My AIESEC volunteering program was teaching elementary school children in Hefei Sub-urban area.

During the voluntary work, I taught elementary school students in different classes with a rolling system. It was because I love children and use to play with them. So, at first, I thought that there would not be many problems when I taught elementary school children. But it turned out, my head shakes and sighed a lot. The language barrier was quite a challenge, I spoke English but they could not. Fortunately, I had my interpreter partner to make it easier for me to interact with students. Although sometimes they were very noisy and "chaotic", but they were a nice kid. At least, I also gained additional skills regarding how to deal with children. The most touching part was on the last day of teaching, they made a small surprise for me.

                                                                         Source : personal

In this program, 6 participants were coming from several countries. They came from Lithuania, Italy, Austria, and Turkey. Each of them had different personalities and backgrounds, but that was what makes it interesting. We often talked about a lot of things and hang out together.  One day, we went to one of the high hills in Hefei which was one of the favourite places for locals to have fresh air. This was my first time to go hiking, so I did not go too far. In the end, I gave up and chose to sit, while my friends chose to continue their journey. Many people had passed me, including children and elder people. I was embarrassed but amazed, In China, there were a lot of people had a healthy lifestyle.

Then the program finished, I said “goodbye” to my students, participants, committees and my host family. I continued my trip to Beijing since I ordered a return ticket from there. Previously I almost could not extend my visa in Hefei immigration office (but luckily it worked). A new problem was coming, I did not get a ticket to Beijing, apparently, in the summer people had booked tickets in advance. But I chose another option, I bought an economy class train ticket at a normal price but without a seat.

Due to a misreading, I  realized that my train would depart in 10 minutes. I went to the clerk immediately, showed the ticket, while running and carrying a lot of stuff. It was only train number 4, while my train was number 12, the staff forbade me to get on the train that was not on my ticket. My SLR camera bag had fallen, but I took it again and continued this frenzy of running. Finally, I managed to get into train number 12 and immediately lifted my suitcase and bag. After sitting for a while, I just realized that my SLR camera bag wasn't there. I went down and tried to look around, nothing. I was going to run back, but the sound of the train was leaving. In the end, I chose to get on the train, then cried for a while. When I look back to that moment, it was sad but also silly.

Travelling in China is one of the best travel experiences. Why? Because this is my first time going abroad and doing it with the solo traveling. I do not only travel but also learn to understand "China" by living in it and trying to adapt to the environment. This made me gain a lot of new insights and perspectives. The experience I got was very interesting, not only joy but also sorrow. Lots of unexpected things happened, these made me to be more brave, independent, and more open-minded person.

HOME - Where My Heart Belong and Grateful For

"People remind us of their gifts; God never reminds us. We have to remind ourselves to be mindful, to remember. The greatest gift is life itself" – Robert A Emmons (in Words of gratitude book)

Since sunrise, until night give greetings, they went through a long journey. Their feet begin to brittle to move, but complaining will not make everything alright. A crowd of people wearing buoys began to put their feet on a small boat. Drifted by the magnitude of the waves, the children cried, the cold pierced, and hunger could not be stopped. In some cases, the family gets separated especially because of uncertain fate. The most important thing is to survive, and how hope becomes their grip to keep them alive until they reach the land that is part of another country.

Source: https://www.unhcr.org/gr/en/6091-unhcr-saddened-deaths-aegean-sea-shipwreck.html

They perforce to leave their home because the environment in which they live there were wars, violence, or persecution. Whereas it is very valuable for them, but now everything that they have at home has been destroyed. Home becomes a nightmare, it endangers their life. Blood and someone body can be lying on the streets, there is no more security.  The camp became their first stop. They could stay there for months or even years before they finally got a status to permit live in a settlement, but there is limited access to get a settlement, and certainly not all of them could get it. Access to sanitation and food is sometimes difficult. Moreover, getting a comfortable bed and watching TV with the family. They miss their home, family, friends, school, office, the dish that they cooked together, the smell of the bread from their favorite local shop, how the breeze on the porch ran towards their faces, and so on.

Source : https://www.eubulletin.com/9304-stabilizing-europes-backyard-eu-committed-to-support-syrian-refugees-in-jordan.html

I am interested in refugee issues, I often read books, articles, journals, and news about them. To get a visual image, I often watch documentary films about the experience story of refugees. The few paragraphs above are just a little illustration of how refugees are perforced to leave their homes and neighborhoods, do a long journey to someplace and most of them don’t bring any documents. They go without knowing what happen later to their fate and future. Sometimes people are not aware and realize something that they have is very valuable. Sometimes they are not aware that many people out there are praying to be able to have that. This is also happening to me. 

Source : https://www.etsy.com/no-en/listing/123233052/the-things-you-take-for-granted-someone

Sometimes I don't want to eat the food my mom makes, complaining why I can't play outdoors when it's raining, a tiff with my sister made me complain and said: "I hate her". But often reading and watching stories about the struggles of the refugees and the suffering they experience makes me very grateful for home and comfortable environment that I live with my family. People say home is where your heart belongs to. I am happy to have a home and neighborhood that is warm, comfortable, and safe as a place for me to grow up. At home, there are thousands of memories and stories that cannot be written, they are all so precious, ranging from joy or sorrow. Although occasionally scolded for my delinquency, the love and affection given by my parents are far greater. Even though tiff happened with my siblings, but their understanding of me was much greater. There is always food at the table, and I am happy every time I gather with my family to eat delicious food made by my mom.

When it's rain, I'm not getting wet and cold. When the sun is sweltering, I don't feel hot because there is a roof that always protects. When the night comes and I'm getting sleepy, I can go to my bedroom and sleep in a comfortable bed. In the morning, I have to go to school with a clean and tidy condition. I have a bathroom with abundant water for me to take a shower. When I get bored, I can watch cartoons on TV and laugh for funny jokes.  I love playing on the terrace and the yard, running around accompanied by the breeze. In the house, I also used to do my hobbies which is singing, drawing and coloring.

Source : http://www.picturequotes.com/be-grateful-for-the-home-you-have-knowing-that-at-this-moment-all-you-have-is-all-you-need-quote-22575

The warmth, safety, and comfort that exists in my home make me not afraid to have hopes and dreams. Since I pursuit an education for my undergraduate degree in another city, and following wander again to work makes me far away and cannot be home every day. But every time I go home, I always feel happy. My mom always welcomed me with her delicious dishes made especially for me. Even though my siblings didn't live in one house anymore with my parents because they were married, my siblings and their kids always visited my parents. So I often play with my niece and nephew whenever I'm at home. I am very grateful to have a comfortable home and neighborhood. I want to continue to feel comfortable, warm and safe every time I’m at home. I hope, someday things will get better for the refugees. I hope they always have passion and hope in their life. I hope the war in their country stops so that they can return to the things they miss, especially their home.

Source : https://www.creativefabrica.com/product/home-sweet-home-24/